Waiting....

As I sat today wondering what to write, I came across these beautiful lines shared on Carpe Diem Special #178 Michael Dylan Welch's "first day of school"

first day of school—
I eat my buckwheat pancakes
in silence

© Michael Dylan Welch

The beauty and the simplicity with which deep emotions were expressed simply blew me away. That is what makes poetry so special. It touches that inner sanctum with so much affection that it melts you away completely.

Being a mother of two children, with one being a first grader, I have felt the silence that the poet mentions here. When we get used to our kids being around so much, there absence causes a turmoil that has no words. We feel happy that they are moving on, and yet, something becomes vacant in our hearts. Isn't it? I am sure many have felt that pang. 

First day of school is so special. With jittery kids, with even more jittery but not-showing-it parents, we anxiously wait for the bus. Kisses and hugs, goodbyes and tears, pats on the shoulder and so many thumbs-up, this and much more - yes, first days are special

First day of school - 

Eyes look at clock all day long -

Waiting for the bus...

Image Source here

Written for Carpe Diem Special #178 First Day of School

Wait

I wait and wait

For him to emerge

But he deceives

He kills all hopes

He turns up not

Just like Godot

Still I refrain 

from despair

Still I pray

Still I persevere

The white coat comes out

Shakes his head

There is not much time left

We go inside

Out of the waiting room

But the wait doesn't end

He speaks not to me

He looks not at me

I wait

I am just his little girl

He had been my hero

He still is

I stroke his forehead

I know he is leaving

The wait is over

His wait is over

He is free from pain

Not me, never

I yearn for my him

It seems like yesterday

When I had touched him, hugged him,

Felt him so close

But it is eight years now

I halt in his memories

But then someone else knocks

On the door of my heart

My entire childhood beckons at once

I call him

Speak to him

He says he is fine

But I know he is not

He sounds so distant

Once again I hope

I wait

I refrain from despair

But hope deceives again

I wait for a call

To hear all is well

But I hear not those words

I hear what I do not want to hear

I cannot see him now

I cannot hear him now

Life has become a waiting game

I cannot accept he is not here

He cannot leave

He should have waited

at least for me

I toss in the bed

Each night

Waiting

For my  only brother

To meet me in my dreams

He does not come

It has been two years

But I still wait

To see him once

To hear him once

He left just like that

It angers me

I want to fight with him

Just like we did when we were little

I wait

I wait

I wait.....

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

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