नानी का संदूक

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खोला नानी का संदूक
रंग-बिरंगे ऊन के गोले की  तरह
सिमटी स्मृतियों के धागों ने मुझे बाँध लिया

निकली सफ़ेद रंग की क्रोशिए की शाल
और बिखर गयी यादों की गर्मी
और खेत में लहराते सरसों के फूलों सी
वो पीली दुशाला मन को गुदगुदा गयी
एक जानी-पहचानी महक थी संदूक की
वो गंध जो कीड़ों को संदूक में रहने नहीं देती
छोटी-छोटी सफ़ेद गोलियां
कोने में लुढ़की
कपड़ों में दुबकी
नानी के संदूक में

वो तस्वीरों का गुच्छा
जैसे फूलों का गुलदस्ता
जताता इस बात को कि
कभी मम्मी भी छोटी थीं
और नानी भी मम्मी थीं

सिल्क की साड़ियां
ज़री सजा लहँगा
अखबारों के बीच सहेजा-संभाला
शादी का जोड़ा
अपना ही संगीत बुनती
लंबी सफ़ेद सलाइयां
तांबे के शोर मचाते
कुछ नटखट बर्तन
चांदी की चम्मच
चांदी का झुनझुना
मात्रियोश्का डॉल का एक सेट
कोई टूटा खिलौना
और छठी के छोटे कपड़े
जब दिया जला के रात भर जागी होंगी नानी
एक मीठे कल की आस में

नानी का संदूक
यादों का पिटारा
खट्टे-मीठे पलों का बक्सा। ...

बीते कल का प्रतीक
प्राचीन और भारी
आज के हलके सूटकेस
का मज़बूत पूर्वज
स्टोररूम में सुसज्जित
या किसी की कॉफ़ी-टेबल का विकल्प
विमानों और समुद्री जहाज़ों में घूमा
स्मर्णिकाओं का धारक
कभी नोट्रेडम के देश में
कभी ब्रुसेल्स के ताँबे के बुत के रू-ब-रू
कभी पानी पर स्थित इटली के शहर वेनिस में
कभी रंगून के पवित्र पगोडा की भूमि पर
साम्यवादी नीतियों का साक्षी
कभी बिग बेन के घूंजते घंटों की आवाज़ सुनता जो शायद ये कहते हैं 
कि समय ठहरता नहीं तो तुम क्यों रुके हो - चलते जाओ। ... 
उसकी बात मान शायद 
इतिहास के पन्नों से टहलता टहलता
आज आ गया इन शब्दों को अर्थपूर्ण करने -
मेरी कविता का प्रसंग....
मेरी कल्पना का प्रतिनिधि
नानी का संदूक। .....


इस कविता में जिन जगहों का उल्लेख मैंने किया है, नानी ने वहां पर कुछ वर्ष व्यतीत किये थे - यूरोप के विभिन्न देशों में रहने की वजह मेरे नानाजी का काम था। वो  विदेशी विभाग में कार्यरत थे।


Linking to #WYHO - Write Your Heart Out The Artist's Way being hosted by Corinne at Everyday Gyaan. While it is not a free write exercise, I have tried to respond to the prompt - And we found _________ in a trunk in the attic…….

One Amazing Thing

"I screwed up my life big-time, a lot of ways. Did a lot of stupid stuff. But at least I saw one amazing thing."

------One Amazing Thing by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni


2013 was a blow. It was a year that filled our lives with much sorrow. It was a time of emotional ups and downs. Two deaths in the family and a birth. My father-in-law's sudden death was followed by an unexpected calamity - the departure of my only brother. I was expecting my second child, my daughter, whose arrival I could not in any way celebrate. I became cold in many ways. I started forgetting people's birthdays, something I had been very particular about since I always liked to wish them on their special days. I would hate when someone remembered mine, because all it reminded me was the last surprise celebration my brother had planned for me. I stopped praying. It seemed futile to sit with folded hands and eyes closed when there was no one out there to listen. I looked around and saw death, loss, grief, pain everywhere. I wasn't the only one to suffer. I would look at a solitary cloud floating in the sky and that would take my back to my brother. It was as if he was in it, flying freely while I stood on the ground searching for him, in vain. When on the road, I would be lost in the deep woods that bordered NJ freeways. They would beckon my spirit silently and I seemed to follow, hoping that he was there, calling me, waiting to talk to me.

But he was not there. He could not be.

I had to come back, empty-handed, always.

Life was utterly hopeless.

I had to find a way out. But I did not know how.

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Then one day, a close friend of mine called me. She was feeling very low. I tried to cheer her up on the phone, Later I wrote something for her. It was my first blog post - For You, My Dear Friend. It was from here that I named my Blog, When I Stopped to Smell a Rose. I did not know what would happen next. It wasn't as if all my agony had swept away. No, I still felt that void. I don't really thing it can be filled in any ways. But it did touch my core in an inexplicable way. My heart ached to write.

I had started on a journey almost unawares. I was clueless as to where it would lead me. But I was willing to be led. Some unheard voice guided me along. Some unseen hand nudged me gently and I started walking.

It was later that I realized a strange thing. I had posted my first poem, my first writing on my grandmother's birthday - October 15.  It was a strange feeling, an astonishing realization, a sign I willingly acknowledged as a blessing. It was an amazing thing to see that tiny speck of light amidst the bleakest, gloomiest part of my life.

I remembered all the birthdays I had celebrated with her, the cards I had made for everyone special to me, the happy moments that had given me so much precious memories to hold on to. Do you think I cried then? No, I cleansed myself of the heaviness of the sorrow that was crushing me.

I got up, and I decided to walk around, with others, to lighten them up, to cheer them up.
To smile.
To make them smile.

Through the foggy blindness of my pain, through the blurry denseness of others' misery, a hope sprung inside. And I decided to write.

I have continued. Somehow, despite occasional setbacks, I have continued. What started on October 15, 2014, has completed two years.

My blog has survived.
My hopes have survived.

The lone distant cloud still fills my heart with yearning and the deep woods still intrigue me.
But something stays put. Something holds me together. The healing continues.

All I need to do now is to extend a Big Thanks to all of you, my family, my friends, my fellow bloggers, who have tolerated me despite my irregularity.

I never thought I would be here. But who can, really, even if one plans. Do we ever have any absolute knowledge of even one moment of future. No, I don't think so.

But then, if we had the knowledge, would it be easy? The answer is again NO.

As I end the post, I want to share one more thing.
Last night, we dined outside. It would have been just like any other moment of eating outside but for one thing. Our table was next to a family who was celebrating an occasion. It was a very special one. The eldest member of their family, their mother-in-law, had turned 90! It was amazing to be part of this celebration although we were not part of the family. As we extended our wishes to the birthday girl, my heart was filled with amazement. I felt after a long time that birthdays are special!



Linking to Sanch Vee 's #FridayReflections  prompt

Did you think you’d be doing what you’re currently doing in life? Write a personal essay.

One Year of Blogging Completed and Still Going On....!

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One year back, I started a journey. It had no destination. It had no prescribed path. It was just an act - an act resulting from a will to break free from all negativity, to come out of pain. And in this journey, I learnt a lot. I made new acquaintances, new friends. Some inspired me with their warmth, some believed in me, some filled me with awe with their modesty and unpretentious knowledge. All in all, the journey taught me to just keep going on. The journey made me realize that the more I learn, the less I know. I learnt to be humble and persevering. I want to thank all my friends on facebook who read me and supported me. I want to thank BlogAdda which provided wonderful prompts every week, and IndiBlogger where I made lot of friends. I want to thank all the fellow bloggers who read me and provided valuable feedback. There are so many of you that I cannot name all here. So, a heartfelt thanks to all of you.


Last but not the least, I want to thank my Mom, who has been my light, my support always. She stands by me like a strong pillar, although to tell you the truth, she is barely five feet tall! Her spirit is so strong that she never fails to motivate me.

It also happened to be my late grandmother's birthday when I wrote my first post last year.  I realized it only after I had published the post. The discovery made me smile. It gave me a feeling of joy. I had been dilly-dallying on the idea of creating a blog since a very long time but it was bound to happen on such a special day. My mom's mom....she was a fascinating lady. Full of charm, graceful, and oh my...what a temper. As children, me and my brother were scared of her anger but we loved her a lot. She loved us a lot too. She would often make nice, yummy Indian delicacies for us. Her laddoos, shakkar-paras, her maththis.....I cannot forget how wonderful she was with whatever she did. I feel blessed to have started a new venture and I feel that she is watching me. Wherever you are, Badi mummy, guide me and help me sail on. My blog will be my feelings, my thoughts as they come to me. They will be stories from my heart, ponderings of my soul. They will be my therapy in times when I feel sad. And I hope that whosoever reads them will smile too. 

I am posting a link below of a story I wrote earlier last year which I don't think I have shared with my fellow bloggers. Please enjoy when you can and leave your feedback on the story if it touches your heart.

Nanna's Corner


   

Nanna's Corner

That shop had been empty for a long time. But somebody was coming in it now. Emma saw an old lady trying to fit the signboard which said " Nanna's Corner". Emma was curious but too shy to ask. She quietly went inside the music studio adjacent to the old lady's shop. Emma came here everyday to get piano lessons. There were two things Emma just loved more than anything else - music and chocolates.

Two days later, Emma saw the shop open. The lady stood outside with a tray in her hand inviting everyone to taste her chocolates. Children were rushing towards her, picking their chocolates and running away. Emma slowly walked toward the lady and picked up a heart-shaped chocolate.

"That one's my favorite too, honey", the lady said.

Emma looked into her eyes as she put the chocolate in her mouth.  One could immediately discern the sparkle in her eye as the sweet delight melted in her mouth. 

" Do you like it?", the lady asked.

  Emma nodded. 

" Call me Nanna. All little children call me Nanna. I hope to see you soon dearie." 

Nanna went inside and Emma walked back home. The sweetness of the chocolate was still lingering in her mouth and oh! how much she had loved it. She wanted to have some more but she just couldn't say it.

The piano lessons continued and Emma went with her usual routine everyday except for the few moments when she would gaze at 'Nanna's Corner' longingly. She just couldn't muster the courage to go inside and buy few of those divine delights. Nanna would notice it all, every single day from her shop and hoped that the little girl would come in. She did not want to  scare her away. She wanted her to come on her own and Nanna knew that she would come in one day.

A month passed by. As Emma approached her music studio, she saw that 'Nanna's Corner' was decorated with balloons. Nanna stood outside with a tray full of treats and with children full of smiles. Nanna saw Emma and called her. She told her that it was her granddaughter's birthday today and this was her way of celebrating it. Emma picked up the same heart-shaped chocolate she had picked last time and thanked Nanna. 

"How are the music lessons going?" asked Nanna. " Oh, just lovely. I am learning Beethoven. It is just great!" Emma could have gone on and on but just then some more children came and asked Nanna for chocolates. Emma then went to her class.

Next day, the door to Nanna's shop was open wide and one could hear the music that was playing inside. Emma was surprised because the piece that was being played was the one she was learning in her class. It was Beethoven's Ode to Joy. She knew at once that Nanna had put on the music for her. She felt happy, well, more than happy. She felt special. Without much ado, she entered the shop. Nanna was attending to one of her customers but the moment she saw Emma, she came and hugged her.

"So glad to see you, sweetheart. How are you doing?", greeted Nanna.

"Did you play the music for me?" Emma asked.

"Yes. Are you happy?"

"Very much, Nanna. Thank you."

She then looked around and saw a picture of Nanna hugging a girl who was Emma' age.

"That's my granddaughter Jude. She is just as lovely as you."

"My name is Emma," Emma said.

"Are we friends now Emma?" asked Nanna.

"Yes", said Emma.

Shyness is like a sunflower. It will open its petals only when the warmth of sunny smiles and kind hearts touch it. Emma's heart was touched by Nanna's gesture.That day was the beginning of a special friendship between Emma and Nanna. Not a single day would go by when the two did not meet. Nanna would tell stories about her own childhood and then she would often talk about her granddaughter whom she missed a lot. Emma would often think of Nanna as someone who always gave her so much love and so many chocolates. She wanted to do something special for her too. But she did not know what.

One day Emma came to the shop and saw a birthday card on Nanna's counter. It was from Nanna's granddaughter Jude. It was Nanna's birthday! Emma picked up the card and read it. She knew she should not do that but all she was thinking about was how to make it memorable for Nanna. The note on the card said that Jude missed Nanna terribly on her birthday and she remembered the times Nanna and she would sit together and listen to one of their favorite songs ' What a wonderful world'.  Emma saw Nanna coming and quickly put the card back on the table and ran outside. Nanna called out to her but she just disappeared. 

After her class, Emma asked Nanna to come in her music studio. As Nanna entered the studio, music started playing. It was the song Jude had mentioned in the card. Emma did not know how to render it on the piano so she had requested her teacher to play it for her. The teacher had agreed and the music went on much to Nanna's joy.

"Happy Birthday Nanna!" everyone in the music studio shouted. All the children came and hugged Nanna. There was such rapture in the air. 

" Oh Emma! How did you know?", Nanna could barely ask as her heart was so full of happiness. 

" I....I saw your card from Jude....and .....I am sorry....but I read it. I wanted to make you happy, Nanna. It is your day today", Emma confessed to Nanna.

Nanna took Emma in her arms and the two danced with joy. All the children joined in the rhapsody. It sure was a wonderful world.